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Wednesday, April 30, 2008
nobody dares to tell me about it. i rushed down immediately to see you when my paper ends. the biggest joke was, the taxi driver actually drove me to the wrong place, but it didnt really matter anymore. for you have already gone for a few hours. why didnt you wait for me?? :( i didnt even get the chance to see you or talk to you for the last time!! i really regret not visiting you yesterday!!!!!! not spending more time with you, not showing more care and concern for you. and not taking care of you during your last days. you were not really happy for the past few days, and were in great pain. and it didnt help when i got really fed up with all the exam stuff. all i want to say is, im very very sorry. and am regretting so damn much right now. i have not been a good girl, i deserved to be slapped. it felt so surreal seeing you lying motionless on the bed, when i touched your face, it was so cold. i dont know what to say to you just now. i just hope that you are now in a better place, for you are no longer suffering. all this has dragged on for so long, i really admire your preseverence and your fighting spirit, but in the end, you still succumbed to the illness. :( the ones who truly love us never really leave us. they will forever remain in our hearts. i miss you a lot. and i hope that you will look down on us wherever you are, and that we will meet again one day. im grieving right now. im crying as im typing this. i dont know how im going to survive for the next few days. and i still got another paper on mon. we will be saying our final goodbyes on sat. it will be very very heartbreaking. and am not looking forward to tml. Saturday, April 26, 2008 Thursday, April 24, 2008 sometime just felt like getting away from home, to stay away from whatever that's happening. so to preserve my sanity. sigh. anw, the library was soo freaking cold!! i was cold and hungry and tired and miserable. can barely concentrate, so in the end, i didnt manage to do much. sigh. i bumped into my dentist. who happened to be there to study too. he's graduating soon, after that, he will become an oral surgeon, and starts to earn big bucks!! am so envious, whilst im a poor, miserable student, stuck in a forsaken place. sigh first paper's on sat. havent been studying as hard as i should, am getting way too lazy for my own good, sigh, was preoccupied with too many random stuff. in any case, im seriously screwed. Sunday, April 13, 2008 very very very stressed. on top of school work and exams, i have to deal with whatever that is happening around me. it's been 2 years since. from self-denial at that beginning, to acceptance and to nonchalant at this point of time. but then, why is it us? im more or less prepared for the worst. since we were given so much time already, then again, when the time comes to say goodbye, it will be very very tough. i dont want to let go, but sometime, some things arent meant to be. all i can hope for right now, it's a miracle. it may be selfish on my part to drag this on, but i really dont want to let go. felt very angry and disgusted by myself. cos i havent been doing whatever i should do. the next few weeks or months will get even tougher, so hopefully, i can still remain sane by then. sigh. am feeling very very sad right now, and the thought of exams coming in 2 weeks' time just made me feel more sian. am sick of studying, thinking of studying, doing nothing but studying and looking at my dismal class tests results, i will be doing badly for this sem. i need a kick in my ass to get myself to study. STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Friday, April 11, 2008 just had a test earlier, which i made so many careless mistakes. haiz. and the test is quite easy, so a lot of people will be doing very well. plus the percentage is so high. feeling very pek cek right now. :( am waiting for my tutorial to start in the evening. but meanwhile, i have to finish up some stuff and tried to do some tutorial questions in case the lecturer starts calling names later. looks like i will be reaching home after sunset today. sigh. Monday, April 07, 2008 there's 2 tests this week, and 1 last one next week. 2 more lab reports 1 term paper due next week. sigh. i have absolutely no idea what im doing for my lab report. copy and paste. key in the data. but as long as i can finish and submit it on time, im not complaining. and my first paper's like in less than 3 weeks' time. on a sat morning. damn it! i havent even started studying yet. and there's loads of stuff to memorise!! Wednesday, April 02, 2008 it's already april! exactly 3 months since i had the surgery 2 months since chinese new year and only less than a month to the final exams. sigh. |